I pray that your prayers yesterday brought peace to your life.  Don’t stop praying.  As we continue step by step of this forgiveness journey – those prayers for the happiness of the one who wronged you will hold you up and sustain you.

There was a time when the pain I felt was so raw, so real, that I couldn’t see past the very moment I was caught in. It seemed like every thing that person was doing was intentionally done to hurt me – and it felt like a blade straight to my heart.  My only way out of feeling such sharp hurt was to change how I saw things.  Instead of giving someone the power to hurt me and cause such great pain, I decided to change the way I saw them.

Today, I want you to imagine yourself pouring a great big bucket of love and light on the person who you are struggling to forgive.  Every single time a dark thought about that person tries to play in your mind – shine light.  If you start to replay how that person wronged you – shine light.  Your bucket of light is limitless. All day long – keep shining light on that person.

I forgive,

Quote for the Day:

You’re only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, & let it go.

Sometimes people hurt us to the point where we believe if we ever hear mention of their name or see them in public we will begin to replay every bad thing they ever did to us in our mind like a movie stuck on repeat.  We allow that person to hold so much power over our lives – at any moment – our heart can be crushed again.

Have you ever been hurt on that level?  What is the point of committing to 31 days of forgiveness if you have been hurt on that level and can not conceive of forgiving – let alone desiring to forgive them?

Daily Forgiveness Prompt: Today – if there is anyone in your life who you are having a hard time forgiving – I charge you to pray 5 minutes a day for their happiness.  That’s right.  I’m not asking you to pray for your happiness.  Pray that the person who wronged you, that you cannot and will not forgive, is truly happy.  Today – pray.

I forgive,

Quote of the Day:

Life is too short not to forgive. Life will be short if you can not forgive.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’.

We have been taught to hold on – to stuff, to people, to situations. Today, I give you permission to give up.

Daily Forgiveness Prompt: Today I want you to practice giving up. The thing you are holding on to – give it up. The person you are trying to make pay for hurting you – give it up. Whatever is consuming your mind from the past – give it up today.

I forgive,

Quote of the Day:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

Welcome to your season of forgiveness.  Over the next 31 days,  I will be pouring out my heart and sharing my journey of forgiveness. For the past month I have been reading old journals, recalling old memories and emotions, and thanking God for just how far He has brought me. Thank you for joining me – I pray you experience a new level of freedom.

Day 1 – Forgiveness

Whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.  And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:24,25

Daily Forgiveness Prompt:  Forgive anyone and everyone for anything you are holding against them.  Why? Because God has commanded us to.  When we don’t forgive, we block our own blessings. No one elses.  So today – forgive. Forgive so that you will inherit all you are asking God for.

I forgive,

Dear Niecy,

Please wait….

Love,

God

This is exactly what I feel God has been and is telling me.  It is the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. I would go back and do my undergraduate and graduate course work a million times over to learn this lesson and get out of the wait. But I know – the only way to get a Ph.D. in faith is to learn. So God – I will wait. What is the lesson you would have me to learn?

Signed,

Your daughter in waiting

A few weeks ago, I arrived at Target to browse their bath section for kids bath accessories.  The yellow ducky was super cute and the green froggy was adorable, but I fell in love with the monkey theme.  I walked away undecided, because I know using monkeys in a little black boy’s bathroom just seems like a huge no no – but the accessories were just too dang cute!

His bathroom also serves as our homes guest bathroom, so I knew anyone who visited me would see I decorated my son’s bathroom in monkeys and judge me.

Looking through the next Sunday’s sales paper what do I find?  Many of the monkey accessories were on sale for $9.99.  I decided I was going to go grab them up.

I arrived at the store with my sister, nephew and son.  My sister laughed at me and told me go ahead an get them.  She made it clear she would never decorate her child’s bathroom with monkeys – but it’s my house and I should do what I want.

My son, on the other hand, adored the monkey rug.

So I decided to get it, but not without hesitation.  I remembered when my son was first born, all 8lbs 10ounces of him, and I called him adoringly my little “chunky monkey”. My father was upset – because to Black folk the term “monkey” just doesn’t go over so well.

But I’m claiming something different – I am praying that my 3 year old son doesn’t know a world where Black people were once called monkeys. I’m praying that he grows up in a world where him, his White classmate, and Hispanic classmate are viewed as equals. Little boys with big hearts who like duckies and froggies and monkeys – because they are just cute!

So if you visit my home and use the monkey bathroom and want to judge – well – please excuse yourself out!

Every time my son walks into his bathroom – he’s say “look at my monkey”.

Thank you for your innocence, honey.

Have a “monkey” ‘n around kinda day!

I love the comment someone made on this video:

This song is an example of the spirit of David. Regardless of where he was in life, all the problems and struggles he had, he continued to chase after God. Gods grace and mercy was on display in his life. Likewise with us today. If we continue to chase after God regardless of our shortcomings his grace and mercy will be on display.

When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son. ~The Talmud

With parenthood comes major responsibility.  Not the responsibility that is apparent to all – like feeding, clothing, providing schooling for your child, but a responsibility that far exceeds the bare necessities of child-rearing.  This responsibility comes from realizing that every action you now take – has an opposite and equal reaction in the life of your child.  Don’t believe me – just google “generational blessings in scripture”.  In the same vain – google “generational curses in scripture”.  People do not like to think about the latter – but the Talmud said it in a much palatable manner – what you teach your child – directly or indirectly – carries through to generations to come.

I’m experiencing this in my own personal life.  My family has been rocked by lessons learned through generations.  In October 2009 when I chose to move my son and I back to Albuquerque, 2,000 miles away from his father, I did so because I was aware that even though my child was an infant – he was learning.  I did not want the lesson I taught him to be one that was the situation his father and I were currently living.  Two years later, I still firmly stand in my decision, as I know God has done exactly what He needed to do.

I challenge everyone – whether you are a parent now or desire to be a parent – live your life in a manner that you would want your child to live their lives.  Do things that if 20 years down the road you found your child doing the same thing – you would be proud they were doing them and not ashamed or hurt.  Live your life as if you are creating the life for your child – because you are.

Love and blessings!

I had one of those nights last night that puts you in the mood to just get in the bed and go to sleep.  I knew from the start of the conversation that something was going to turn wrong – I could tell by the butterflies (not the good ones) that seemed to cloud my stomach.  Sure enough – moments later I asked what I already knew – and at that moment had to decide what to choose.  While on the phone – I kept saying to myself “choose peace, choose peace”. So I did, and politely ended the call.

I prayed the entire way home. I was upset, I was confused. Hurt.

This morning I woke up well before my alarm clock was scheduled to go off. As I laid in bed I felt like I had been fighting all night.  I asked “what happened to Jacob after he wrestled all night with the angel…” because I felt like I had be wrestling all night in my spirit.  I was worn.

As I began to reflect on what did actually happen to Jacob – I realized I am wrestling in my spirit.  Do I fully trust God and throw all my belief behind Him – or do I save a safe space to escape in case He doesn’t come through the way I want Him to?  I’ve been wrestling this for a long time because I feel if the Lord doesn’t answer my prayer the way I want Him too – I’d be left with nothing.

Last night I wrestled in the spirit with the Spirit.  Today I am saying – I will not let go until you bless me.  I don’t care if it causes me to limp the rest of my life – I will not let go of you until you bless me, Lord.  I can’t let go.

I am back.  After having my debit card cancelled due to someone trying to check-in to hotels in Virginia using my number, my automatic renewal for my web hosting expiring due to my cancelled card, and losing nearly a year’s worth of blogging, I’m back.  I hope to start this new site with a fresh realness about myself.

My first bit to share – I’ve been thinking about writing a book.  I was reading through my journals from the past 3 years, they are full of the excitement of having a baby, building a home, going through a painful and dark separation, me finding the strength to move back home 2,000 miles away, celebrating more anniversaries separated than we did married, having divorce papers drafted that have never made their way to the courthouse for filing.  I’ve grown so much – and I would love to share some of the many lessons I’ve learned.

Would you be interested in reading my book?